Grown-Up Christmas

Like it or not, the Christmas season is upon us. Luckily, I like it, but for the Grinches and Ebeneezers of the world... well they are stuck with an early onset of holly, jolly, holiday cheer. This Christmas is a bit different for me. My family isn't exchanging gifts. I really don't mind not receiving them, but it will be very hard for me not to buy gifts. I LOVE buying gifts! I usually have ideas in my head in September for what I will be getting people. Unfortunately, due to my brother's January nuptials, this year we are cutting WAY back on the presents. On my Mom's side, with my little cousin we are going to use our normal "present time" to make a craft. This was my idea. I know it sounds ridiculous, but it's either that or we spend two hours having my six year old cousin, Megan direct us in reenactments of Hannah Montana performances. Bring on the glitter and glue! I have convinced my parents to let me buy them both gifts, but nothing pricey is allowed. Again, this is a challenge. I am kind of used to going over the top. One year I bought them a computer. Another year I treated them to an all-expense paid trip to Charleston, SC (not Charleston, WV...that would be punishment). I usually buy my bro Ipods and fun gadgets, or at least some nice clothes. This year I am getting him and his bride-to-be a coffee maker :-/

It's hard for me to stifle my holiday generosity, but I am doing my best.



I will say that in the absence of going over the top shopping and buying I have had some new perspective on the holidays. I am enjoying the season for all of the other wonderful things it brings; I have had my radio permanently set on the Christmas music station. I plan on going to church every Sunday in Advent this year. I CANNOT wait to decorate the tree tomorrow night, and the thought of all of my favorite TV specials makes me giddy inside. . Oh, I love this season! It makes me feel like a kid again.



I kicked the holiday season off at home, in PA with my family and hometown friends. I had four days packed with nonstop visiting and celebrating. It was a truly wonderful way to spend Thanksgiving and it made me REALLY appreciate the people I have in my life! Forgive me while I get sappy for a minute or two, but I have to. I don't go home for Thanksgiving every year...the past couple years I have stayed in Charlotte and spent the holiday with my roomate's family, which has always been fun and they have always made me feel like part of the family. I have also for several years had a pre-Thanksgiving get together with my Charlotte friends before the holiday, since we all go separate ways for the holiday. Whether I have been in the north or the south, every year I am surrounded by the warmth of my loved ones. Likewise, Christmas means I get to do it all over again....Christmas get-togethers with friends in Charlotte and family traditions in Pittsburgh. And, whether I am above or below the Mason Dixon Line; whether I am coming home with a car full of gifts, or buying popsicle sticks and glitter to make snowflake ornaments makes no difference. I don't need to open a single present this year because I am gifted to have family and friends in TWO places (and some in other places too). There is no better feeling than that! This holiday season I praying for the people who can't be with their families, and for those who don't have families. For people in nursing homes, overseas at war, or just alone in their own homes. I am sure those people would gladly pass up a sweater or a new watch to instead spend the holidays with a loved one. While the magic of Christmas makes me feel like a kid again, I am happy to say that I have adult perspective that makes me appreciate the true meaning behind Christmas.



Happy Holidays!



"Then the Grinch thought of something he hadn't before! Maybe Christmas, he thought, doesn't come from a store. Maybe Christmas... perhaps... means a little bit more! "

Love in an elevator

I love today! Every 8 weeks I come across the best day...the day I get my hair done. Aside from removing 3 inch black roots and all traces of white trash trying to emerge, it's the greatest feeling ever to have someone do my hair for me. Considering I spend close to an hour drying and straightening my own hair every other day, it's joyous to have someone else do it for me every once and awhile. If I were a wealthy woman I would be going to a salon once a week. I guess old women do that too for their weekly shampoos. There is a greater probability I will make it a habit by virtue of old age rather than wealth, but either way it will be a treat when it's more regular than once every 56 days.

I'd like to raise awareness of something that I have found to be disturbing for years, but never had the proper venue to voice my concerns. The time has come that we need to learn and adopt proper elevator etiquette. Since I graduated college and took my first job not a day has gone by that I have not ridden an elevator. I have worked in a half dozen offices, but all have had the old Otis elevator in common. In these years I have seen an array of offenses that really burn me. The first is the person who dives between the closing doors like it's the last flight out of hell. Sir, there are eight elevators and another one will be here in 6 seconds. Is there a reason you had to go all Indiana Jones on us who are in the elevator preparing for takeoff? It just seems a bit dramatic for a simple routine ascent to the 4th floor. Secondly, I have to call out the smokers. I'm sorry but I really feel you ought to have a designated elevator for smokers or make them take the stairs. There is nothing worse than to be shoved in a 5x5 postage stamp with the Marlboro man first thing in the morning. I don't want to have to smell the remnants of exhaled Newports and more importantly, I would like to exercise my right to smell fresh and clean. After spending one minute confined in minuscule space with one heavy smoker I come out wreaking of nicotine and carcinogens. It's not right. Maybe those fake cigarettes sold at the mall kiosks aren't so ridiculous if it means I don't have to smell you, or worse spend the day smelling like you. The final, and most annoying of all of the elevator no-no's goes to those who get on before they let others off. WTF?!?!?! It happened to me just a few hours ago. The elevator gets to the ground floor and upon opening some overeager moron has wedged himself into the elevator and amongst 5 people who are at the same time trying to exit. He pushed me out of the way to get on to the elevator before I could even try to get off and out if his way. It completely disrupts the flow of elevator traffic and makes for really awkward shuffling, moving, and adjusting. If you just wait a few seconds we will clear off and give you plenty of space and time to board. There is no need to treat it as if it's the NASA shuttle Discovery preparing for lift off. You aren't going into orbit, you are being rocketed to you mundane job in your cubicle. What's the deal?

And finally to close this edition of my blog, I would be remiss if I didn't revisit last week's angst towards relationships and those who are in them. Let me apologize for being so judgmental. Let me also express that I have found a new outlook on things. It's amazing what one week can do for the psyche! I credit graduate school with giving me a broader view of perspectives and people's realities. I have come to realize that my idea of love--and what I look for in a relationship is not the same as the person next to me. We all as individuals place different meaning and value on emotions and on relationships. I cannot tell you that your reality is wrong, just because it's different than mine. That said, I just want everyone to be happy. If love that is convenient and cost effective makes you happy than have at it! To each his own!
I will however not adopt a broader view on acceptable elevator behavior. I feel that we as a species are capable of following common practices to make for better transport to our respective destinations.


Peace out

Gripes

It has been almost two weeks since my last blog. I have sort of been in a funk and whatever I would have written in that time frame would have been bitter and angry. I am a fairly upbeat person by nature, but sometimes I have pretty ugly mood swings which can send me plummeting into the depths of brief depression. It waxes and wanes and I climb out with a sunny disposition. I am "sunny" for a few weeks and then dip back into a few days of darkness. It's part of being a cancer...and I also blame it on my wacked out hormones from the lack of thyroid gland. I have been pseudo bipolar my whole life and I hate it. Anyhow, for those of you who read this (which I think might just be MB) here are some things I would like to get off my chest:

There is nothing more unattractive than people who can't do things for themselves. This comes mainly from my current job situation, but it can be seen everywhere around me. I wish I could say no. I am not a waitress, a travel agent, a secretary, a courier, a customer service rep, a printer repairman, a caterer, etc. Adults should not be this needy! I actually had someone ask me to provide landmarks of the building that SHE works in so that she could tell her guests coming to the meeting where HER office is. I know that my job is at the bottom of the corporate food chain, but someday I plan to be on the other end, and when I am I assure you that I will have the decency to earn my own paycheck, even if it requires me to do something unglamorous...like get my own coffee.

Dirty Dads. Okay so the weather in Charlotte was damn near perfect yesterday. It was a gorgeous fall day and I had every intention of enjoying it. I went to Freedom Park, where all of Charlotte seems to go in between lake season when we get a stint of nice weather. As I imagined, it was packed. Soccer players, strollers, joggers, dogs, geese, hippies, brides...there were all types meandering around the park taking in the sun. I showed up with my ipod in my normal workout wear- not sexy- eager to soak up some sun and take a jaunt around the park and surrounding "booty loop". Because of the bright sun, I was forced to wear my sunglasses (divots!) and from behind my sunglasses I started to observe a trend. During my 3-4 mile trek I must have passed four dozen families of mom, dad, and small tot in a stroller. I would wager to bet that of these two dozen of the dads chalantly (yes- the opposite of nonchalant) checked me out. It made no difference that they were walking hand in hand with their three year old daughter---or that their wife was two paces ahead with the Jack Russell terrier. Blatant gawks were made. And following the gawks from dad I would get a scowl from mom. Like it's my fault! I know the whole defense that looks are harmless and that "it's what guys do", but seriously amid your familial quality time I think men should be able to restrain themselves. And wifey, please redirect your anger towards your husband. I came here to loop around the pond listening to Akon and work off my egg mcmuffin. I do not have a hidden agenda to temp the poor beaten down husbands of Dilworth.

And lastly, I have to ask why so many people who are in relationships so obviously don't really want to be in relationships. Why are you wasting your time? Why are you wasting his/hers? Have you given up on finding someone that actually makes you happy? Do you care that your dishonesty is compromising their happiness? Have you given in to settling? Do you get a cheap thrill out of being a liar/cheat? I just have to ask these questions, because much like the needy people I mentioned above I also see more and more people who are in relationships for the wrong reasons...out of convenience. It's quite sad that people would rather be reckless with other people's hearts than be honest with themselves.

I digress. I feel a bit better now.

Billboards Greatest Hits of a Ten Year Reunion

My ten year high school reunion is a few short weeks away. How does that make me feel, you ask. Old. Ten years went by SO quickly!!!! I am on the planning committee. I volunteered to collaborate with Cara and make a "Woodland Hills High School Class of 99" soundtrack for the event. Jack has handled all of the major arrangements, so maybe providing the musical accompaniment for the event would make me feel like I contributed something. Currently, only 12 people have RSVP'd so at this rate everyone will be getting their own copy of the CD. To get started on making a list, I googled the greatest hits 1996-1999. What a trip down memory lane! I completely forgot about a lot of the songs on the list....many of them were terrible and if I never hear them again I won't complain (i.e. Crush by Jennifer Paige) Many of them took me right back to the olden days. "The Train" by Quad City DJ'S reminded me of Val's mom, Mrs Kachman, making all of her friends (myself included) perform the choreographed dance in the middle of North Braddock streets while cars drove past with passengers gawking at the JV cheerleading squad's newest feat. "Elevators" by Outkast took me back to the backseat of a very tinted GMC Jimmy, with enough base pumping that I still have hearing loss 10 years post Jimmy. It was my high school boyfriend's car and I wasn't allowed to sit in the front seat when his "boys" were with us (which was always) so the tender eardrums of a 16 year old were blown out all because of his d-bag ego. "Ghetto Superstar" puts me right back into Monroeville Mall at the Watchworks kiosk with Jack taunting Matty from outside the walls of his time-telling fortress. Any song by Alanis Morrisette delivers me back to my teenage angst phase in 10th grade. I went to her concert with a bunch of my girlfriends. I think Nicci and Briane actually bought a t-shirt for which they arranged shared custody. I was wearing my favorite Mudd jeans; and 5 girls in a busted mini van driving to amphitheatre in the outskirts of West Virginia seemed like the epitome of cool at the time. My list is over 50 songs long and for each there is some recollection of a memory shared with many of the people I will be reuniting with in a few weeks. It makes me smile to think back on good times and good people and the chance to see where the past ten years have taken everyone.
Little known fact, the planning of said reunion almost massacred my friendship with my best friend a few weeks ago. There was a heated email exchange followed by several days of no mobile communication at all! Funny to think that 10 years ago, when I was ready to address the issue I would have had to call his house and ask his Mom to speak with him. We've come a long way....technologically speaking, obviously the fact that we are bickering like high school girls doesn't say much about the progress of our maturity. But, thankfully, we both came to our senses and made up...he is still my "ghetto superstar" :)

Late Night in Russia

Just a brief follow up on my previous post...

It's great that I was all Positive Pam last night at 10pm. Unfortunately, the glow of promise was short-lived. I am guessing it was the alcohol doing the talking...the White Russian not only tricked me into a false state of joy, that Russian also kept me up until 3:30am!!!! Stupid me didn't know that there was caffeine in it while I was licking the ice cubes dry of all of their delicious, creamy, milk chocolately goodness. I don't think I can take trips to Russia on Sunday nights....or any weeknight. I am sensitive to any caffeine and normally put my coke habit (diet coke that is) to bed around 4pm every day so as not to disturb my sleeping time. I should have known better than to injest alcoholic coffee at 9:00pm.

Between the hours of 11pm (about when I went to bed) and 7am I tossed and turned and watched WAY too much television. It went something like this:

10:30-11- Grey's Anatomy wannabe show. I think it was Three Rivers which I thought was supposed to be based on UPMC in Pittsburgh but I saw nothing reminscient of Pittsburgh. No rivers, yinzers, Eat n Park, Giant Eagle, etc.

11-11:30 - Channel 9 News

11:30-12- Entertainment Tonight---as if Marie Osmond's predictions for this week's Dancing with the Stars is worth sacrificing sleep for

12-1am- 2 episodes of Bewitched

1-2am- I left my bed and went downstairs to watch DVR'd Glee from last week. It was my first time watching and I am torn between curiosity and intrigue and dismissing it as over-the-top nonsense. I am a sucker for a musical number though...but the grape slushies get old quickly.

2-2:30- The Lamas Family. What a terrible show. What a terrible family.

2:30-3- Roseanne.... after watching the Llamas' I would rather be a white trash Conner from Michigan than a rich, white trash, celebreslut in Hollywood.

3-3:30- Brady Bunch. The classic episode where Greg gets ripped off buying a POS car was just what I needed to lull me to sleep.

Thanks to my nightcap I got about 3 hours of sleep paired with 5 hours of mostly bad television. I did NOT start my week refreshed and full of hope and insight. I began it at 7am cramming to complete a research critique for school that has monopolized my brain this weekend. I got to work and everyone was badgering me with requests. I have very little patience and a headache from a mostly liquid dinner and no sleep. I had plans to start my week much like the Brady's would have started their Monday mornings...with unexplained enthusiasm to greet their astro turf lawn but instead I started my day like an angry Russian.

Ending the week

It's a Sunday night. I have had a few beers and a delicious white Russian...it was not white in color...? It was more of a beige Russian. I am getting ready to call it a night. There is some ridiculous medical drama trying to emulate Grey's Anatomy on TV. There was a day I was hooked on Grey's...the characters and the story sucked me in and had me hanging on every word. As the seasons have progressed I have become less and less enchanted with the melodrama and the complicated characters. Non-committal, obsessed with the dead, angry, dysfunctional interns turned residents get old...literally and figuratively. They never outgrow the issues and complications. They never recognize their faults and attempt to rise above. They are never happy.

I feel for the characters, but I can't sit down and watch these self-loathing fools continue to save the lives of patients and neglect their own lives. Last season, when Izzy/George died I gave up. I hope the day will come where Meredith loves McDreamy and realizes that he loves her. I hope McSteamy's ego doesn't kill another young, impressionable girl's self esteem. I hope that Christina will learn to find an emotion other than anger. I hope that Izzy and Alex use their friendship to build one another up, rather than tear one another down. I hope the writers give these people a chance...otherwise this show is just sad and none of these people have progressed as individuals in 5 years.

I am a writer (amateur of course!) and while I can't write the storyline of my life exactly; I can't make a script and kill off characters (though I might want to at times) who cause harm to myself and others around me; and I can't write in love and happy endings, I can recognize that there are times when I deserve to get beyond my hang-ups. There is a time when being complicated, distant, and emotionally void gets old. I can choose to close old doors and open new doors. I can choose to leave my past story lines in the dust and open myself to the new, the different, the positive. Tomorrow is Monday...a new week and a new start. I am starting a new season with fresh perspective.

BTW, nice win Steelers!

Candy and Needles

At the ripe age of 28 I am beginning to feel like a 70 year old. I have neck, back, and shoulder pain on the daily. I have seen a chiropractor, had massages, taken muscle relaxers, etc and the problem will not subside. After the influence of my tree-hugging parents and their love of alternative medicine I am going under the needles. In a little over an hour I will take my first trip to get acupuncture. I don't really know what to expect. Everyone I have ever known to get it gets pregnant. Of course they are there for fertility help, not achy bones. Amazingly though the success rate of women who are trying to get pregnant and get this treatment is astonishing. If I come out of this knocked up, please know that he (Todd, the puncturer)stuck me with more than a needle. In all seriousness I just want a little relief from my back pains.

I am also hoping that after the day that I have had that I get some stress relief. I got to work at 7:30am and it has been nonstop! It's the busy season for campus recruting so EVERYONE on this team needs something. I have been shipping books to Singapore, paying invoices for simulations in NYC, drafting offer letters to college students in Massachusetts, and running to and from a finicky printer all day. It kept telling me there was a jam. There was no jam! I gave up on it and decided to walk to the printer all the way on the other side of the floor (which is actually far...this floor is HUGE and there are parts I have never seen)

It's feast or famine on this team...today it was feast. The only reprieve I have had was the mini box of Nerds that were left on the breakroom table that I helped myself too. Thank you Willy Wonka! Nerds make me happy...but I miss the way they used to come, in a big, plastic, brightly colored Nerd. Does anyone else remember that? It was definitely in the 80's. I think it was a mistake to abandon the Nerd packaging for a cardboard box. Anyhow, though it's not the same with the box, eating Nerds takes me back to childhood and I get giddy popping the mini blobs of sugar into my mouth.

It's a strange conundrum to have the pains of a senior citizen and the mentality of a 7 year old. From Nerds to needles...it's all in a day in this fantastic life!

Ready. Set. I don't know what to say.

For many years people have been telling me to write. They say I am good at it. While I agree that sometimes I can craft something clever, I am not convinced that anyone really wants to read my mundane ramblings. Despite the fact that I think no one will really be reading this, I am going to begin this blogging thing. Here's my dilemma. I always saw blogging as something that should be used for people who are doing really amazing things...people getting ready to climb Mt Kilimanjaro...people fighting terminal illness...people trying to lose hundreds of pounds. I am not climbing a mountain...the only climbing I am doing these days is into an elevator every morning. And as it takes me to the third floor where my desk is, I ponder ways to retire early. I am also not fighting terminal illness and though I could stand to lose a few (maybe 8-10) pounds, I am far from the next Ruby (morbidly obese woman with a show on the Style network...who I happen to love for her southern twang and whining).

The drive to and from work are perhaps my favorite times of the day. I love my solitude, even if it means sitting in rush hour traffic surrounded by imbeciles who don't know how to drive. The 40 minutes (each way) that I spend traveling route 77 is my therapy. I rarely take or make phone calls, or even look at my phone. Instead I ROCK OUT!!!! If you ever see me mid commute don't be surprised by the fact that I am likely singing at the top of my lungs and that I am completely occupied by my performance. In my head I am performing a concert at Madison Sq Garden for thousands of screaming fans, or maybe I am on Broadway dressed like Jewish peasant in Russia in the 1920's (Fiddler on the Roof), or maybe I am just at Jackelope Jack's on a Saturday karaoking "Heartbreaker" by Pat Benetar. Regardless, my commute serves as an out-of-body experience every day. I need it. My fans need it.

Lately my concert a la car has consisted of a jam session hosted by Michael Buble. Thank you Sarah for burning me the new CD! I have a mild to huge crush on Mike; and his voice melts me. I bought his last CD (and misplaced it. If anyone reading this finds a copy in their car, it could be mine) on a road trip from PA to NC a few years back. My friend Allison and I were coming back from a Christmas visit in which we really burnt out on our CD collection, her Ipod was broken, and the radio stations through WV backwoods were only Christian stations. As if the musical accompaniment issues weren't troublesome enough, we had her cat, Belle in a carrier in my backseat too. About 50 miles outside of Pittsburgh (7 hours of driving left) Belle peed in her carrier. Cat pee is perhaps the worlds nastiest smell. It only took moments before we were both gagging. We stopped at some country bumpkin BP and asked the clerk for some cleaner. The burly woman gave us one paper towel and some Windex...not exactly the proper forces to battle warm cat urine stench, but paired with about a half dozen Christmas tree deodorizers, it put a dent in the fumes. About 3 hours later, on lovely route 19 in Summersville, WV we saw the glow of a Walmart sign and decided to stop for more cleaning supplies. Our tunes were stale, the smell in the car was foul, and we needed to see some mullets and camo to take our minds off of the monotony of the journey. All 3 things were accomplished. Allison purchased Mary J Blige's new CD and I bought Buble's "Everything". Allison is partial to R&B, rap, and any product of Def Jam records while I like myself a Caucasian Canadian crooner belting out some classic Sinatra. All in all MJB and MB made for a diverse and yet rather enjoyable soundtrack. Buble made that road trip at little more bearable. And, his song "Everything" now conjures up wonderful memories of a different road trip with my roommate Lydia, as well as two Barclays (David & Jill) to a mountain house in Maggie Valley, NC where we listened and sang that song at the top of our lungs about 20 times. Damn I love that key change! A few days ago my dear friend Sarah was kind enough to burn me a copy of Buble's newest tracks...and while it's not quite of the caliber of the former CD, "Just Haven't Met You Yet" has become my instant favorite, which I have listened to about 45 times in 2 days time. It takes adds a little dash of hope into the lives of single people everywhere...or at least this single person here.

Speaking of which, I should probably place a disclaimer on this, here, first ever blog that warns you of my general focus on dating and being single. I might have to take back an aforementioned statement that I am not doing anything very challenging with my life. Being single is a HUGE challenge in many ways...and at times it is a blessing, but nonetheless it's an uphill climb more often than not. It's kind of the personal equivalent to climbing Mt Kilimanjaro and let's just say that I have been from the bottom to the top of that beast. I have fallen off. I have jumped off. I have gracefully climbed down. Regardless of the outcome of my upward climb, I can usually find a good laugh out of it...and even learn sometime sometimes.

I can't think of any current laughs to share. I am going to put in a few more hours of work :-/ (Please note that I LOVE the sideways face emoticon. I use it very frequently because it implies so much. The other emoticons don't speak to me in such a way. I find them generic) so that I can meet Allison for a run (or walk) around the booty loop and some sushi. Maybe on the way I can make Allison listen to Buble's new CD....this time it won't be paired with the smell of cat pee wafting up from the backseat.

Till next time....